10 February 2003

i just read rob's post of 1/28 about the post first draft blues. he touched on his fears, one of which i share with him. i'm afraid of not getting "deep enough" with my writing. i can put together a scene, a short, maybe even a whole novel. but does it mean anything? am i making an emotional connection with potential readers. sure it's easy to maintain interest with action and events, but if you don't care about what happens to my characters i will never get published. it's as simple as that. i guess this all comes from my lack of confidence in my writing ability. i've never completed anything more than one short story. i've started a multitude of novels, but have never stuck with any of them. my instincts told me that my ideas, while good, were not enough for a novel. and sure enough, i'd crash and burn shortly after starting. Eden's Promise is currently at approx. 70K. that is the most i've ever written on ONE project. i started it in november 2001 for NaNoWriMo. i didn't make 50K that month, but i stuck with it, and in the 15 months since, i managed to only double my word count. i should have finished this long ago. i've procrastinated, ruminated, and did everything to avoid finishing this novel. to be honest, RL did interfere for a while, but that is not a valid excuse. if i ever want to be a working writer, i cannot afford to let my day-to-day life take me away from my work. in fact my writing should be a priority in my day-to-day life without fail. and i haven't yet made that jump into level of commitment. it is time for me to step up to the plate and (hopefully) hit one out of the park. not tomorrow, not next year, not when i get financially settled. the time is NOW.